Red
by Ryyne
Summary: (Songfic) Meiling reflects on her days as a lovesick school-girl. Then, with the help from a long-gone friend (NOT who you think!), she recovers her sense of purpose. --PG-13 for language and achohol use--


AN: This just popped into my head one night. Interestingly enough, I had just finished reading a very touching E/T. So how this came out of that, I have no idea.

Disclaimer: Card Captor Sakura does not belong to me, nor does the riveting enigma Meiling. ^^;; I also don't own the song "Smile", by Vitamin C.

Red

****

First of all… 

            'I suppose I have always been one to believe in Fate. I thought, like any other young girl in love, that my "most important person" was destined to be with me. Forever.

            Now I realize that I was a fool to think that. Life is never in black and white; there are always shades of gray. And red. Red really is an interesting color, beautifully perilous. It's the color of contradiction: Warmth and danger, blood and hearts. (You know, the little plump ones that children put on Valentines.)

            My eyes hold that color.

            Sometimes I wonder: life is unbalanced. Why, out of the six billion people on this earth, should I receive so many unique troubles? Every aspect of my life has an unwanted attachment. My family and clan life is embarrassing; I am the single person in our clan that doesn't carry the gift. Why was I chosen? Why don't I have the gift?

            _Our _clan. Must I think of everything in "us" and "we" and "our"? "Our", of course, meaning Syaoran-kun and I. Ah, you're surprised. Yes, finally I leave off the "beloved" before my Sy-no- Sakura's Syaoran. I have no right: legally and morally.' 

            **_When you wake up in the evening and the day is shot_**

            **_Find yourself complaining about the things you ain't got_**

**_            Never goes just the way that you want it to,_**

****

            These were my thoughts as I entered the café, the clock nearing midnight. I sank down in the red plush chair at the bar, and rested my head on the table. "Young…fool…troubles…_our._" The words churned inside my mind, repeating an endless cycle. I squeezed my eyes shut and gritted my teeth.

            Damn it, I needed a drink.

I quickly tapped a passing waitress on the shoulder. She turned and greeted me with a practiced, dazzling smile.

"Yes?"

"Could I get a margarita?"

"Yes. On the rocks?" What is it with waiters and the word "yes"? You'd think they were practicing for their vows.

"Uh, huh. And no salt, please…" The waitress nodded and bustled off to tell the bartender, who was on the other side of the bar, opposite me. I sat quietly and waited for the drink to arrive. Once it did, I took the thin red straw between my fingers and cautiously sipped. It was strong and pungent, sour yet sweet. Just the way I like it.

            "Of course, I _did _play matchmaker for Sakura and Syaoran…" I mused as I twirled the blood-red straw between two fingers. My next thoughts weren't exactly specified into words; are many of yours? Yet I shall do the best I can:

            "I think, that somewhere along the way, my heart numbed. I remember…when I finally accepted that Syaoran loved Sakura; it was when he told me. I denied it until then…perhaps I was too optimistic. 

            "I never cried. Not once. When he said it, a bit regretfully I think- although that very well may be my imagination-… for once I had no thoughts. My heart was still. I always thought that if that day ever happened, I would run off and cry my heart out. I suppose I don't now myself very well, do I? Although, there is still a hole in my heart…repairing bit by bit as the days fly by."

            **_Cliché of the day- c'est la vie- that's just life_**

**_            Life- it ain't easy…_**

**_            It's so tough_**

**_            It ain't easy_**

**_            [Whatcha gonna do whatcha gonna do]_**

****

****I slammed my fist on the marble, not caring that a thin, long crack slithered down once the force was applied. The bartender yelled angrily and me while the other customers stared. Whether if it was because of my outburst or the fact that I split the marble, I still don't know. I smiled grimly, already feeling better. Sometimes, giving another person a problem transfers some of your troubles to him; the troubles and disappointments changing forms like the matter that they so contradict as they pass between people.

            I stood up abruptly, and left the half-finished drink, a small tip, and some money to repair the counter nestling on top on the crack. Sauntering out of the door, my ears turned deaf to the dainty _"Ting!"_ a small bell emitted as the door opened, and shut. Hard.

            I walked quickly down the street, heading towards my very well furnished, red-painted apartment overlooking Tokyo Bay. Not quite paying attention, and rushing for God-knows-who, I slammed into a rather small yet headstrong figure. I quickly caught the person's hand before they fell, and started to apologize.

            "Oh, I'm so sorry; I wasn't looking where I was going, and-…" My voice trailed off as I recognized the silently laughing face looking amusedly at me.

            "_Rika?!_"

            **_Put a smile on your face_**

**_            Make the world a bet-ter place_**

**_            Put a smile on your fa-a-ace…_**

**_            [Whatcha gonna do whatcha gonna do]_**

            **_And another thing…_**

****

****"Meling! It's so good to see you!" My long-time friend rose and hugged me viciously. I was too shocked to utter a word.

            …Or maybe not. "Wow! I can't believe it's you! I haven't seen you since…" I left the sentence hanging, absorbed in my nostalgia.

            "Graduation, I know! So, what have you been doing?" I looked timidly at her. I knew she wasn't going to like my answer.

            "Nothing."

            **_You say that I'm a dreamer and you think it's un-cool_**

**_            Preaching about the better life I learned in school_**

****

****"_Nothing?_ But, Meiling, you're so talented!" I turned my head away a fraction of an inch, and said softly:

            "I know." But I didn't.

            "I mean, you always got A's in school, you're a great martial artist- Sakura said so- and you're a pretty good singer! Granted, not as much as Tomoyo, but still…!"

            "I just don't know what to do with my life, that's all. Nothing's appealed to me yet." My mind had already turned numb to her suggestions.

            "Okay…" Rika said, a bit sadly. I perked up, now that the subject was open for changing.

            "What about you?"

            "Oh, it's going okay. I mean, my husband's doing great- he's till teaching- and I'm mostly a house-wife now, but I'm happy." Rika smiled at me. "I'm still surprised that you're not doing anything. What about your love-life?" She turned a coy glance towards me. My mind had crashed, and was now shutting-down. Funny how sometimes your brain can be so like a computer. A PC, of course- "Personal Computer". No one can read your mind, except for yourself- and even then, one can't always be so sure…

            "Don't have one." I replied blandly. She looked sad again. I think she pitied me.

            "Oh…wow. I never would have expected it." My heart was being torn into two, and I could feel it this time.

            "Yeah, well…"

            **_But you get what you give in this life that we live_**

**_            And all that you do will come back to you_**

****

****"Okay, well, I must be going. My husband's waiting for me. Bye! I wish you luck!" She smiled once more, and I could literally feel happiness melting out of my grasp.

            "Right. Bye! Good luck to you, too!" I smiled and waved.

            I'm such a fake.

            **_Life- it ain't easy…_**

**_            It's so tough_**

**_            It ain't easy_**

**_            [Whatcha gonna do whatcha gonna do]_**

****

****I continued towards my apartment, but this time I wasn't rushing. I passed an empty lot, and my mind flickered back to what Rika had said.

            _"I mean, you always got A's in school, you're a great martial artist- Sakura said so- and you're a pretty good singer! Granted, not as much as Tomoyo, but still…!"_

_            "I just don't know what to do with my life, that's all. Nothing's appealed to me yet."_

I jerked up, my brain working over-drive.

            _"..you're a great martial artist- Sakura said so…you're a great martial artist- Sakura said so…" _Slowly, a soft smile formed on my lips. I knew what to do, now. Martial arts had always been the one thing I loved more than anything- even Syaoran, I realized. I could build a small martial arts school- of course, it would have to be charming and cozy, appealing yet homey- and teach children the art that I loved so much. Maybe even have small competitions…maybe even enter _myself_ in competitions! I grinned, for once in complete bliss. I would become the greatest martial artist the world has ever seen!… Maybe I'll hire a chef, too. I'm a bit bored of pancakes and pre-made sushi. (I was always a horrible cook.)

            I strode towards my apartment with my head held high. Now, I had a purpose. Something to work towards… and for.

            **_Put a smile on your face_**

**_            Make the world a bet-ter place_**

**_            Put a smile on your fa-a-ace…_**

**_            [Whatcha gonna do whatcha gonna do]_**

            **__**

****I knew what I was going to do.    

            **_Put a smile on your face_**

**_            Make the world a bet-ter place_**

**_            Put a smile on your fa-a-ace…_**

**_            [Whatcha gonna do whatcha gonna do]_**

            **_Life- it ain't easy…_**

**_            It's so tough_**

**_            It ain't easy_**

**_            [Whatcha gonna do whatcha gonna do]_**

****

****_A year later, my small school was up and running. I was quite successful, and had won several awards (I didn't lean towards a life of fame, however.). My love life still wasn't quite the greatest thing; I hadn't met anyone special yet. But I'll wait. I have plenty of time, after all._

_            I believe in Fate again. I was fated to do this, and I'm fated for someone, somewhere. There's someone waiting to meet me, even if they don't know it._

_            I have a limited number of students, no more than eight. All of them trust me, and are able to come to me with my problems. It's so strange; there's a girl so similar to me. She's going through unrequited love, just like I did. Her personality is uncannily like mine, also._

_            My own martial artist sensei was kind, but strict. I modeled myself after her, and I hope that that young girl will model herself after me. I haven't had the best life, but I love it. The challenge, the ability to relate to others what I went through…and that's exactly what I did for the young girl. I'm not _sure_ I helped her…I'm positively certain._

_            By the way, her name is Nadeshiko. Strange, isn't it? The same name as Sakura's late mother…speaking of Sakura- her, I, Tomoyo and Syaoran just recently had a reunion. I think it's pretty safe to say that I'm not completely over him- Syaoran-; my heart gave a small, but certainly noticeable tug when I saw him. I'm not sure if that will ever change, but I'll live with it. I'm not jealous anymore, however, and I was truly happy for both Sakura and Syaoran when they announced their engagement. I suppose when I meet "the man of my dreams" (how cliché), that I'll completely forget- well, not forget, but you know what I mean- Syaoran. Until then, though, I'll wait. Like I said before._

_            Back to the school… I not only teach my students fighting techniques; I also teach them the "zen" of life. I remember…_

"Now class. Martial art isn't just fighting; it's also wisdom, something that many of you have yet to learn. Don't despair, wisdom is learned by means of experience. I, myself, have had many experiences which taught me the art." Out of the corner of my eye I saw Nadeshiko, in a deep red uniform that was a bit baggy (I require my students to wear a uniform), grinning with a hidden knowledge that only she knew. I smiled, and she knew that I smiled for her. It's not always for her, but this time, it was.

            **_Put a smile on your face_**

**_            Make the world a bet-ter place_**

**_            Put a smile on your fa-a-ace…._**

****

****"I can, however, teach you a few things. You may not understand-or even care- about these until you reflect when you're older. I will say it anyway.

            "The world, my friends-for, yes, you are not only my students but also my friends- is never in black and white; there are always shades of gray. And red. For red is the color of contradiction- it is the color of both war and love…"

            It is also the color of my eyes.

**_--FIN--_**

****

            AN: I hope you enjoyed it; I enjoyed writing it. ^~ I was aiming for an insightful, dramatic, and slightly touching reflection by Meiling. Tell me if it worked. ^^ If it didn't, tell me why you think so. Or, just review and say what you want. It always makes me happy when people take the time, and I love knowing what other authors think of my writing and ideas, good or bad. NOTE: And, if I want to (or have enough time/inspiration), I may write a sequel. It's pretty unlikely, but…your opinion will matter. (By the way…now you understand why I titled it "Red". I used the color many times in this fanfic…see? ::points::)

-hazelwand (formerly kat)


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